Very Tough Primary School Arithmetic

When I was in the first or second year of Primary School, we didn’t have mathematics. It was too tough for us kids (remember, we didn’t have kindergartens or tuition centres then). Instead, we had arithmetic, something much simpler. Arithmetic was confined to simple addition, subtraction, multiplication and division.

A typical question went something like this: an ice cream seller sold an ice cream each to 10 boys at $1 each. The next week, he increased the price of the ice creams to $1.60 each, but only 9 boys bought his ice creams. How much more or less money did the ice cream seller make, compared to the first week? Wow, that was a very difficult question indeed, and half the class of 7 year old kids couldn’t figure out the correct answer. Finally, an Einstein wannabe hit the jackpot: in the first week, the ice cream seller made 10 x $1, or $10. The second week, he made 9 x $1.60, or $14.40. Thus, he made an extra $4.40 in the second week compared to the first.

For the past four weeks of the new year, there was an unusual increase in serious heart attack cases country-wide. Cardiologists and heart surgeons had to frantically examine their calendars to fit in emergency cases. Counselors everywhere had to cancel their annual leave and reschedule holiday flight bookings to provide emergency emotional counseling to hundreds of people who contemplated suicides. The sale of Prozac, the antidepressant, soared and share holders of pharmacies were laughing all the way to the bank. Will writing organizations found their offices jammed with jostling and pushing crowds (rendering the ticket rush for last week’s live (Korean) Rain concert more like a kindergarten Open Day), with commission agents laughing all the way to make bookings for new cars for Chinese New Year.

What happened? A certain minister had, early in the year, announced that there was a decline of 20% vehicles daily on a certain highway in the Klang Valley since the first day of the year, sending share holders of the highway operator into a worrying frenzy. Many feared they would lose life-savings. Others went into irreversible depressions. Some had immediate brain seizures and went into coma.

The situation had become so serious that the company bigwig - Chief Operating Officer, nothing less - had to make an announcement in the papers today (they couldn’t even wait for the first month of the year to be over, see?), to bring back peace of mind to hundreds of thousands of worried, hair tearing, teeth gnashing, suicide contemplating, will writing share holders.

And what did he say in his life-saving, earth shattering messiah arriving announcement? He said that daily traffic volume on the highway had dropped 10% (not 20% as mentioned earlier by the minister), but assured share holders that the decline will not have an effect on the financial performance of the company when the full effect of the newly implemented toll hike kicked in. Wow!! What a life saver! Thousands of share holders could breathe easy again. Hundreds of depressed people started laughing again. Appointments at will writing organizations were cancelled (and so were hundreds of bookings for new cars).

Like the ice cream seller above, the highway operator had increased their toll from $1 to $1.60 from 1 January and also like the ice cream buying boys, there was a 10% decline. This company bigwig found it fit to assure his share holders that his company will not melt like the unsold ice cream (read, go bankrupt).

I wonder whether he thought all of us are still in Primary School.

A Story of 3 Men and A Woman

The first man is a tough man. A very tough man. Probably with the lean and hungry look. By his own admission, he has killed six people. How many people has he killed? Six. Since he has not been charged for any of the six killings, he probably has the license to kill. Something like The Jackal, or James Bond. He must have killed them in the course of his work. Believe me, you don't want to mess around with this man. He has access to explosives and stuffs, and we are not talking about Chinese New Year firecrackers here.

The second man is not a killer like the first man. At least not that kind of killer. But he has also made a "killing" of a sort. In the form of a woman. This pretty lass was from a faraway land. Was she from the Land of Milk and Honey called Magnolia, or the Land of Mangoes called Mangolia, or the Land of Genghis Khan, Mongolia? Doesn't matter.

What matters is that the second man was swept off his feet by this woman, and it was milk and honey for him all the way from Hongkong to Shanghai to Kuala Lumpur to Paris. The steaks were not the only meat sizzling, if you know what I mean.

But after a couple of months, the milk turned sour and the honey were all lapped up. The meat didn't sizzle anymore too. He got tired of her, but she wouldn't leave him alone. He decided to get help from the first man - the killer of six people.

"I have a small problem ... can you handle it?"
"I'll take care of it."

The first man did take care of it. He took care of it very well in fact; much better than David Copperfield could have done. See, David Copperfield would make a person disappear, but at the end of the act, that person would re-appear from behind the audience (*clap clap clap*). This man, however, made the woman disappear forever! Either she became the Seventh Wonder of the Underworld, or the Unmangificent Seventh. David Copperfield turned rabbits into parrots, but this man turned the woman into fragments of bones. See, I told you this man is not somebody you want to mess with.

But this man - the assassin - made one very basic elementary error. In getting rid of the woman, he didn't work alone. Unlike The Jackal who didn't trust anyone and therefore always worked alone, this dude had two other people to help him. He forgot the very first rule of all assassins - Trust No One! As a result, he is now behind bars. So is the second man. Tsk tsk, really sticky situation, if you ask me.

Hey wait! Didn't we say this is the story of 3 men? Well, what about the third man? Who is he?

The third man is also a 'killer'. But he is not an assassin like the first man. Instead, he is a hangman. He doesn't work with explosives; just with nooses that fit around a person's neck.

The first two men have not met the third man yet. But unless the pretty lass (from Magnolia, Mangolia or Mongolia, whatever) eventually turns up (alive, I mean), chances are the first two men will get a chance to meet the third man.

How To Make Money From Mud

Here is how some people make money from the tons of mud and water that flooded Johor last week:

Some people from non-flood areas are making their way to registration centres to collect the Rm500 cash payment for each flood victim. Wearing very dirty and smelly mud-caked t-shirts, the imposters would claim their have lost their identity cards and there would be almost no way of proving or disproving their claims of being flood victims.

It was reported that a police personnel in a rescue vessel used finger language to show a requirement for payment, to a family in need of help. That was either the only incident reported, or (hopefully) an isolated incident.

Looters, pretending to be rescuers searching homes for stranded people, had a field day (I mean, night) looting. When else can thieves actually shout "Hello, anyone inside?" before moving in?

Car workshops are now advertising 'package deals' for refurbishing vehicles affected by flood waters. These package deals would include cleaning the engine as well as the upholstery.

Furniture repairers are also advertising package deals for cleaning sofas, carpets, even fridges.

Bkworm told me this morning that she read somewhere that boat operators are even offering boat rides to tourists to view the flooded areas! Now tell me if that's not taking "Visit Malaysia Year 2007" too far or what!

Singapore & Malaysia: Just a Little Comparison

In Malaysia, people use the Touch & Go card mainly for easy payment of highway tolls, the mass rail transit (or LRT), and the Monorail. In Singapore, the equivalent card is the EZ (pronounced 'easy') card.

In Singapore, one can top up the EZ card conveniently at any of the MRT (mass rail transit) stations anytime they are open. In Malaysia, one can top up the card only at certain designated stations, and only at certain times of the day (eg: 7 am to 12, 4 - 7 pm, etc).

In Singapore, the EZ card can be used anywhere throughout the island. In Malaysia, I once caused a long line of angry and impatient motorists behind me at the Penang Bridge because my card, initiated in PJ, could not be read by the machine in Penang.

In Singapore, all the EZ card reading turnstile work with clear displays on their little screens, and you don't see a single staff sitting by the turnstile doing the manual over-ride to let you pass. In Malaysia, there is no station where all the Touch & Go turnstile work (and even if one works, the display on the screen is either unreadable or there is no 'beep' telling you that your card has been read) and there will always be a member of the staff whose main job in life is to manually operate the turnstile. A piece of paper with the word "ROSAK" is usually present.

On all Singapore buses, commuters usually pay by tapping their EZ cards on one of 2 available readers upon boarding the bus (a small percentage of commuters pay cash). On Kuala Lumpur's new "KL Rapid" buses, the card reading machine is installed but is not working, and everyone has to pay cash, thus delaying the bus.

In Singapore, even when commuters pay cash to board buses, the $1 coins drop easily into a machine. On the "KL Rapid" buses, the Rm1 notes do not drop easily into the machine, get stuck instead, and the bus driver uses a piece of stick to push the money in (Malaysia has withdrawn the Rm1 coins for reasons best known to the government).

In Singapore, no-smoking is successfully enforced even in ordinary food courts throughout the island. Smokers' corners are located at certain areas, usually away from the stalls nearer to the road. After only 2 weeks of enforcement officers giving gentle warnings to non-complying smokers, you can walk into any food court or hawker centre now and find smokers submissively smoking only at the designated smokers' corners. Drivers smoking inside their buses or taxis are unheard of in Singapore. In Malaysia, non-smoking is not enforced almost anywhere, including 5-star hotel lobbies and air-conditioned restaurants.

In Malaysia, illegal VCD and DVD peddlers operate openly, often playing Hide & Seek with the enforcement officers. In Singapore, this is completely non-existent.

There were terrible floods (still on-going) in Johor and Singapore. Malaysia blames it on the rains, low pressure in the area, etc. Singapore calls it a wake-up call. Next year this time, if we have the same type of heavy rains, there will again be floods in Johor, but there won't be in Singapore. Mark my words.

Readers are invited to highlight other comparisons.

Highlights of Hongkong Disneyland

If you ask me what are the highlights of Hongkong Disneyland, I would honestly need to think hard before answering.

A first response would be Sleeping Beauty's Castle, that is the very icon of all things Disney. Yes, that's the castle you see at the beginning of all Disney movies. A full scale version of Sleeping Beauty's Castle is the centre piece of Hongkong Disneyland, as I imagine it would be for all Disneylands. No Disneyland worth its mickey would be without the castle as its centre piece.

The fireworks display over the castle at the end of the day is a must-see. Never mind if you have to rush for the MTR (mass transit rail) with 3000 people heading home after that, you must stay for the fireworks. Going all the way to Disneyland and not watch the fireworks is like going to Beijing and not visit the Great Wall or going to Paris and not see the Eiffel Tower.

Many of the Disney cartoons are all over the place, available to be taken photographs with (and you have to queue up with kids for that). There is Mickey of course, and his girlfriend Mini. Although the cost of the ticket is nothing but mini (about Rm150 on weekdays), it includes every show, performance, game, and ride.

Another not to be missed is the Lion King pageant musical, performed live complete with Hollywood style costumes. I made the mistake of getting a ride on the Space Mountain - a fast roller coaster twist and turn in the dark! - and walked away holding my head and needing Panadols.

Prices of food and drinks inside the resort are slightly higher (eg coffee is HKD10 a cup) than those in the city, but be encouraged to bring your own food. There are ample seats and picnic areas (and clean toilets) all over.

What impressed me most is the ability of the authorities to enforce the no-smoking rule over the entire grounds of the resort. Yep, there's no smoking from the moment you enter (smokers are provided special smoking rooms though) so there are no cigarette butts on the ground, and you don't have to worry about queueing up behind a guy in a smelly shirt puffing away. (In fact, Hong Kong has successfully implemented the no-smoking rule in all eateries whether air-con or non air-con, all public places including the non air-con trams and on board the ferries.)

Can you imagine a huge open space resort where no smoking is allowed? Can you imagine, say, no smoking inside the Sunway Lagoon resort? That would be the day, wouldn't it? Right now, we cannot even enforce no-smoking inside our air-conditioned restaurants and express buses *sigh*.